I've struggled with depression for a lot of my life. I was a pretty unhappy young adult. I think a lot of it was circumstantial and not knowing how to deal with and process my emotions. I think I'm pretty happy and optimistic now, but still struggle with depression from time to time.
I first noticed my "blue days" as I call them when I was probably 7 or 8. Just some days I felt really sad and melancholy. Then others I felt ok. It wasn't weeks or months at a time, but just a certain kind of dark days that I would get. That was about the time my parents got divorced. We moved from my childhood home and our family spent a lot of time fighting and going through changes then. Both of my parents got re-married too quickly and I felt left out and not cared for. I was cared for but my perception was that of loneliness. Throughout the rest of my adolescent years I remained fairly sad and started to even see a counselor and bounced back and forth from each parents home.
When I was a teenager I remember being just angry a lot. I clung to a boyfriend and his family as a way to find some form of home and love. It wasn't a good space for me, but no one was really looking out for me either. I was stuck in an abusive relationship which only heightened my depression. I finally started seeing a counselor again when I was in college, about 19. I knew something was off but didn't know how to fix it. It didn't take too long of seeing my therapist that I realized the abusive relationships I was in and that I had to get out of them all fairly quickly. I cut off all ties with a few people and found some peace.
I started to feel my own worth, got closer to Christ than I had ever been before as well. It's been about 8 years since this very big turning point in my life. Mindfulness and EFT helped me with my anger a lot. Also, I was diagnosed with ADHD about 5 years ago and understanding that and myself has helped me a lot. I was constantly feeling depressed because I couldn't get things done. But now I no longer get depressed because of that. I know that I first have to manage my ADHD and that helps with not getting sad or placing unrealistic expectations on myself.
I still have my "blue days" but I take medication and understand that it's ok to have these feelings. Just basically changing my life is what helped me! Getting rid of toxic people, being spiritual, understanding my body and my brain.
I can lean into my "good" and "bad" days. I can plan on getting a lot of things done on good days, and go hang out with friends on bad days. I've become a lot more relaxed and happy since this hard part of my life. I don't let other people frustrate me like I used to as well.
Forgiving myself was a big deal for me. I felt like I made so many mistakes as a KID. I was a kid and I made the best decisions I could for myself. But counseling, medication, finding a GREAT husband, being in love, my faith in Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ, and giving myself a lot of grace. And having my child helped a lot too. He makes me so happy and I feel so blessed Heavenly Father trusts me with one of His children.
If I could tell the world one thing, I would say to look out for each other.
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