My whole life I have suffered from one form or another of depression and anxiety. Anxiety plagued me as a child and teenager, and it slowly evolved to depression. A depression so embedded in me that I didn't know it was there.
As a first time momma, I was thrilled and terrified of the brand new baby we had just brought home. Little did I know that the chain of events that we went through with my first baby would send me into a dark depression. Something I had never felt before.
The interesting thing about depression is that, no matter how deep you are, you have no idea what's happening to you. You figure it's normal, that you're just upset and miss your old life. That this tongue-tied, hungry, tired baby is just hard and you have no idea what you're doing. That you are clueless. That you are a bad mom.
I mourned my old life more than I have ever mourned before. I missed my freedom and my body. I missed my relationship with my husband and friends. I missed my sleep. I missed everything. And I resented this baby for doing this to me. For not caring about me and my needs. I was angry. I was so angry. That's when it dawned on me. I was in the thick of postpartum depression. Instead of the pure sadness and sorry-for-myself-ness that I had felt in the past, this was in the form of anger.. and has proven to be the same ever since. Now that I know the signs and what was happening, I could easily define it. But could I ask for help? Nope. I could do this by myself.
Now, don't get me wrong, it eventually lifted and I felt better. I found a deeper love for calligraphy and lettering that wasn't there before and it honestly grounded me. I found the love for the ocean, new friends and exercise to be therapeutic. However if something would go wrong, it would spin me back down my hole.. no matter how hard I tried.
Three and a half years. That's how long it took me to seek help. I had been down the medicine path and just didn't like it. I finally found that a supplement that has done wonders for my mental health.. and with that, I have found a new-found love for my family and kids, exercise, relationships, you name it. For the first time in years, I feel happy.
Through this experience I realized the hell I had put myself through by not seeking help. By thinking I could do this on my own. But it is a medical illness and needs help at times. What left me baffled was that after I started opening up about the fact that I might have depression, THAT is when people started coming forward and telling me they had seen it and they were worried. Maybe they didn't know what is was that I was struggling with exactly, but why are we not talking about this? Why wait when someone's happiness and joy.. and maybe even their life is on the line?
So I wanted to create a platform. A safe place for women to reach out for help and to help others through the trials and issues that they've been through. I wanted to create beauty through their stories and trials.. so that's where I am today. I want your story to be heard.
You never know what struggles those around you are walking through. Ask, talk, connect.
Find the strength that's deep inside and share it. Share what you've been through, share your words.
This is one of my many stories. To check out other’s stories and the art I have created for each person, visit my Stories Site or follow along on Instagram and Facebook.
Share Your Own Story!
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Your story is unique to you, but sharing your story will help others.
It can be any story-- If it was or is a challenging time in your life that you feel needs to be shared, we would love to hear it!
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